sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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