you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
