Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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