I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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