I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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