seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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