I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
