I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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