Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just had sex on a roof
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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