I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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