i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
