Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
