you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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