It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
