last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
