Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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