Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
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Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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