yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
