If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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