I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You are a genius and a whore.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
