When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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