All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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