There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
