you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
