youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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