dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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