You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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