They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
