I cannot find my penis.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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