Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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