this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
