my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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