did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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