She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
