I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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