Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
