quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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