Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
