i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
