she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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