Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize