Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
