My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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