you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
