Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
