then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
