I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
