I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
