You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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