WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
