I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
