I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
