I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
