He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
