So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
