I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
