umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
