you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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