just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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