Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
