theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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