wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
