Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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