K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
