hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
