it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
