I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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