im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
