dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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