So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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