Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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