sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
