Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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