We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
