Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
