Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Welp...herpes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
