Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
