My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
