my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
