Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
