i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
